Day 3 in Sint Maarten started off with an adult beverage (Presidente’ Beer) from the barista in the lobby of my hotel. She was very kind but dry and looked as if she didn’t want to be there. I asked if she was ok and she said that she was fine but was just a little tired. I told her that I understood and I gave her a cash tip. That seemed to liven her spirits up quite a bit, because this bald headed possum looking heffa went from, “Here is your adult beverage sir!” To “Hey got dammit, do you want anything else from behind this stand? We got some eggs and sh*t in the back if you hungry?” I mean now she was more enthusiastic to talk to me with her funky ass. I mean, this mofo took her mask off and every got damn thing. I however politely declined her offer (because I knew that if she had given me something for free, that she was gonna want something back for free and I’m sure she aint want no damn coffee or tea either. Annndddd I had my legs out, aanndd I was lotioned up annnnd I had just bleached my teeth with some crest white strips, so you know these muthafuckas was glistening when the light hit them. Annnnddd I was smelling GOODT too. Do you hear me? I’m talking, I knew got damn well she smelled me but she aint say nothing.) but anyhow, I smiled and told her that I hoped her day is filled with love and walked out of the hotel.
Once I stepped out of the door of the hotel, I paused and gazed upon the magnificence of the beautiful topography (that means natural landscape and physical features and sh*t) of this land.
The GOD of life in that exact moment, had sent a gentle breeze to come across my entire being, kissing me ever so slightly on my mahogany colored skin as the birds gazed upon my omnipotence with sheer jubilation. The angels of the lord had surrounded me with their harmonious grace as I stood with my eyes close for mere moments in time when I heard a voice in the distance say, “Excuse me sir, you’re blocking the door, could you move!”
I apologized and moved the hell out of the way as quickly as I could because I saw first hand that those damn Bell-hops don’t give a good got damn about human toes. I watched them run over people feet like they were a speed bumps and keep on moving the entire time I was at this hotel.
So anyhow I left to rent me a car and quickly learned that everybody on this island thinks that they’re a Nascar driver. These mofos don’t know what making it to your destination safely means. I ain’t never had to squeeze my ass cheeks so much in my entire life while driving here. I am telling you now, if you have bad nerves or if you have ever been in a car accident that traumatized you. DO NOT rent a car here, you will have several mini heart attacks.
But anyhow I went to the French side of town. I thought I was headed to the shopping centers but I some how ended up in the hood. My naive ass rode pass a club or party or something and I stop. (
yeah I know) I followed the music and walked up on some folks that were BBQing and dancing. So I went to the bar and asked for a, “shot of whiskey!” Just a shot and this lady proceeded to pour me damn near half a cup of whiskey with no ice. NO ICE!, do you know how hot it was out there? Do you know what drinking liquor would do to you if you drink it straight and hot with no ice? But any how, 15 minutes later i’m down 3 shots by this time and eating a BBQ chicken plate that was so got damn good.
I knew it was going to be good because the lady cooking it, was sweaty and she had these big meaty arms. When I seen her stirring some rice and the sweat from her face was dripping in the pot. I knew right then and there, that I was gonna have me a double portion of that shit and it was gonna be delicious.
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