Part 1 of Day 3 in Jamaica

Part 1 of day 3 started off with me freezing in my hotel room. Being cold isn’t something that I would normally complain about, but the air conditioner in this bit blows ice creams. (That means that it’s really cold.) The a/c unit is easily one of the best things about this resort. So, if you don’t like to be hot when you sleep, then definitely this is the place for you. The beds are a different story though. They are not thr least bit comfortable in the slightest. Everyday that I woke up, it felt as if someone had taken a bunch of rocks, placed them in a burlap sack and beat my body up with them. My advice, If you do come to this resort, please make sure that you ask for a mattress pad or ask the house-keeping staff for bed extra sheets. Also ask them for a blanket because the sheets are paper thin.

The fellas were still asleep and there I was, all alone in my thoughts at 6 a.m. I found myself staring at boffum for the last 2 hours. I was frowned up and irritated at their loud snoring. Little demons began to play games in my head and then I started to think about, how could I smother these negroes in their sleep with one of these tiny ass pillows and get away with it. Franklin was snoring like a got damn grizzly bear. I watched him as he layed snuggled up under his blanket sleeping peacefully with not a care in the world. He was probably dreaming about all the nasty, deplorable stuff that he had seen at the RIU Montego Bay. (Not me though, I was dreaming about our next church service because I’m a Christian.) The way he was smiling and sounding in his sleep, you would have thought that he had worked a 16 hour shift pouring concrete.
As for poor Teddy 😔, Teddy was balled up so tightly on his sofa bed trying to stay warm. I kinda felt bad for him because we had to commandeer his blanket to make a ding-a-ling cover for the shower. He wasn’t snoring as loud as Franklin, but he was shivering like a muthafucka. I just sat and watched him twitch like a baby deer. My paternal instincts kicked in and I was going to give him my blanket but I thought about it and “ffuucccck that!” Mane it was colder than a muthafucka in that room. Plus he grown! So if his big over grown dirty foot ass didn’t want to ask house keeping for a blanket, then that was on him. I just knew that he was S.O L. (Shit Outta Luck) Fooling with me. (I know some of you are like, “Thats mean Kanz, he’s your friend!” Manneeee Fu*k him he got some sleep, I didn’t.)

Oh, now I know that your next question is going to be. “Kanz, how did you make my ding-a-ling shower curtain cover?” Well, I’m glad you asked. I took an ironing board right? Two clothes hangers and an umbrella to make my, “La Chorra Cortina de la lucha.” (That means ding-a-ling shower curtain in Spanish.) I’m ma trade make these sh*ts and make me a ton of money, you gone see. When yall see these in Wal-marg (that’s how we pronounce it down south. It’s Wal-marggggg with a long “G”) just know that I made it when you do see em’. But anyhow, how I made it was, I put the blue blanket over the top pointy portion of the ironing board. Then I put the two clothes hangers inside the sliding track, leg portion of the ironing board part to make some wings. Theeeeeennnn, I took the umbrella and put it in the window seal type thing that housed the frosted glass window. Then I wrapped the other end of the blanket around the umbrella and placed it in the window seal as an angle. After that, “Poooooowwww baby!” You have the very first prototype of my “La Chorra Cortina de la Lucha” a.k.a. The ding-a-ling shower curtain holding firm in the window of our hotel room.

After a while Franklin and Teddy had gotten up so we could start the day. Franklin had already gamed planned for us to go to “Dunn River Falls!” We all got cleaned up, went down to hit the gym to get these glamor muscles looking right. (Glamour muscles= arms, chest, shoulders and back.) Then we went to eat breakfast and after that, we walked up to the lobby to be met by 4 girls who Franklin had met the first night that he was here. I didn’t know any of them because I ended up coming back to the room the first night and went to bed early because I was tired. The ladies were intresting to say the least. I had met the white girl that was with them yesterday. But Franklin invited the whole crew along with us to Dunn River Falls and I had no clue that they were coming but I didn’t care because 1.) I wasn’t paying for the shuttle taxi ride. 2.) Franklin and Teddy was paying my admission fee for screwing up the hotel accommodations and 3.) The more people that went, the cheaper it would be the merrier I guess.

Part 2 of Day 3 coming soon.