Part 2 of Day 3 in Jamaica

The ladies introduced themselves to me because I had only met Lizabeth the lil white girl the day before. All of them were from New York, so I knew that this was going to be a shit show wrapped up in a hand bag. Because of the cultural differences and our varying personalities, these women had no clue what they had just signed up for.

After we the pleasantries out of the way and loaded the van. One of the girls sat next to me and we became fast friends. Her name was Chelsea and she was a free spirit. Because I am a God fearing christian man. I asked her about herself to make small talk. Her eyes gleaned with life, it was as if she was waiting for someone to ask her about herself. When I saw that, I immediately thought to myself, “You done messed up now docta!” She started talking about being liberated, how she valued her peace, how she wanted the freedom to do what she wanted with out restrictions. How being a black woman makes her feel powerful, ya-tit-da!, ya-tit-da!, ya-tit-da! The whole while that she was talking, everything around me got quiet and started to move in slow motion. My face slowly started to frown up as all the words that where coming from her lips moved in slow motion. I could see the flutter of a humming birds wings moving graciously ever so slightly next to the van lightly tinted window. Laughter erupted from Franklin and the other girls in the back seat of the van, as they all told tales of their exploits on this tropical oasis. An all the whole the this is happening, I’m thinking to myself… “This bitch snought cocaine!”

So anyhow after about 45 minutes of riding and talking and plotting to kill this talking ass woman. We stop at this random shop in the middle of nowhere to get some water shoes to climb the water fall with (You gone need these shoes, the cost is $10 and you gone need cash). This place had a lot of charm, culture and some of the best damn beef patties that I have ever had before in my life. (Don’t worry I posted a video of it). We bought a few trinkets, drank some beer and loaded the van back up to go to the Falls.

When we got to Dunn River, the atmosphere was a mix between excitement and anxiousness because we didn’t know what to expect. While we were walking to get our tickets. I heard the crazy bitch (Chelsea) *Im not calling her a bitch in a derogatory way because she was a sweet heart* cooing and making baby noises. Then she started using baby talk as if she was talking to a child. My attention was immediately drawn to her because I wanted to know who she was talking too. I also knew like hell that I couldn’t be the only person to witness this sh*t because their weren’t any small kids around. I just watched her and when I tell you that I be dipped in shit and rolled in bread crumbs, this got damn girl was trying to pet a damn lizard. *inserts blank stare* A GOT DAMN LIZARD!!!!, THE GIRL WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE THIS BIG ASS JAMACIAN LIZARD WITH DREAD LOCKS TO LET HER PET IT. AN YOU WOULD THINK THAT IT WOULD END THERE!?WELL GUESS WHAT, IT DIDN’T… THERE WAS A SPIDER. A BIG ASS BANANA SPIDER MINDING HIS BUSINESS SMOKING A JOINT. IM TALKING YOU COULD SEE HIS FANGS,  HIS EYEBALLS, HIS SPIDER LIPS AND EVERYTHING. GUESS WHAT THIS SPECIAL MUTHAFUCKA DID…. GUESS!? GO ON GUESS!? THATS RIGHT SHE WENT AND STARTED MAKING BABY NOISES TO THE DAMN SPIDER TOO! SHE WANT LED TO PET IT! I was secretly hoping that it would bite the shit outta her but common sense stepped in and she left it alone.

Now, I know what you’re thinking at this point., “Kanz, where were her friends when she was talking to those random creatures, what were they doing?” They were right there. Acting as if it was normal, they were use to it. When I watched her friends reaction, I knew right then that I wasn’t crazy. I knew that my assumption was right in the that van, this bitch does do cocaine! Because only a person whose on hard drugs would do stuff like that.

So anyway, we got our tickets and met our tour guide who was pretty funny and full of life. He took us down to the base of this breathtaking waterfall that had these beautiful limestone rocks that were jagged in so many beautiful formations. The base of the Dunn River waterfall can’t even be described with words. The water was crystal clear and brimming with life, the plant life looked like something straight up out of an amazon jungle which was simply stunning. It was evident that spirit of nature was all around us, the laughter was contagious and I damn near died two or three times trying to climb up the waterfall.