Upon arrival to this happy little green island filled with brown people. I did my best to navigate through the airport as briskly as I could. The thoughts of jerked chicken and mai-tais (my drink of choice on vacation) filled my heart and my little fat belly giggled with jubilation because I knew that as soon as I got to this resort, I was gone f**k some up. Happy rays of sunshine filled the long corridor to customs that was aligned with various paintings of famous Jamaicans of the past.
The Kioski were all filled with people and I guess to get some of the people moving. I was bamboozled by some long faced, extra ugly, wide back heffa that was fussing at people for no reason. She was saying to people, “Move over ear!” I pretended like I didn’t hear her and she said it again, “ME say move OVER EAR!” I didn’t want any problems after she used that tone. So I moved but I stood in line for almost 45 minutes trying to come into the country. After I made it outside at least 4 negros ran up on me before I could get to my shuttle. Each of them trying to sell me devils lettuce. I quickly rebuked them and I told them that I was a christian and I did not part take in such things. But then I thought, “WWJD!?” and I didn’t want to be a bad Christian, so I bought 7 grams for $40 because you know, they had children to feed and I didn’t want the kids to be hungry.
So anyhow I stopped by this little hut near the shuttle busses to get me a rum punch. There were these three little island gals that were looking at at me like i was a snack. They were trying to flirt with me talking about some, “Hey Rasta! Me like your ear, its so long! Com let me touch it!” But she said it real Jamaican like. I said to her, “No, mon me ear no like to be touched!” Then she said, “Alright, respect! Where ya from!?” I said, “Alabama!” She said, “Do all the men look like you there!?” I said, “No some men there are bald!” Then I got on my bus.
After a 2 hour bus ride to Moon Place in Ocho Rios, which seemed like an eternity because there was an accident and most of roads in Jamaica are 2 lane roads surrounds by jungle and gravel. We arrived to a very, very tucked away resort. There was nothing grand about it and it left more to be desired upon arrival. I was greeted with this yellow bubbly drink that was absolutely delicious. The lady said it was pineapple and ginger so mix you some pineapple and ginger and put it on some ice and see won’t yo soul sang. (More pineapple juice then ginger)
Part 2 of Day one coming soon.