So after I drank my drink (that was non alcoholic by the way.) I went to check in, I don’t know how to describe the lobby of this resort, BUT they had like these big plastic trees shaped like lamps all over the place, the bar was awkwardly placed on the right of the check-in station separated by a hallway and there was alot of empty space.
Anyhow, after I got assigned to my room, I was tasked with talking to some guest relations lady. She was nice and said to me, “Welcome to Ja-MAYE-ca!” And she said it real hard like that too. “JA-MAYE-CA!” She pronounced every syllable like I was remedial or had a learning disability or something. (If you have a Learning Disability, I dont mean no harm. My cousin has a LD and he has been getting a check since the 5th grade for it. So respect to all of my brothers and sisters that still eat crayons!) Anyhow, she was like, “how was er’ ride ear?” I said, “It was good ma’am but where jerk chicken station at?” She laughed and pointed me on my way. She said, “But I nead to talk with chu before ya go to ya room!” I said, “ok!”
So after this brief interaction, I sprinted through the corridors of the resort. Well I didn’t really sprint, but i walked at a reallg brisk pace because you know… I’m Fat, anyhow as I moved at what seemed like super sonicd speed to me. All of the lights moved past me as if it were a blur, the aroma of charcoal filled the nights air, the breeze that flowed off the ocean was crisp and strong. The faint sounds of, “Don’t worry, (da dune, da dune) about a thing…(da dune, da dune) Because every little thing (long pause), is gonna be alright!” Was softly playing in the back ground.
Alas, I burst through the side door like my uncle who had on this tight ass button up shit at my cousins wedding but that’s another story. I had made it to the jerked chicken hut. The line to get some was almost non existent. There were only two people in front of me so at this point I’m winning. The waitress has finally come to me and she said, “Ow many people are ew ear with!?” Or some sh*t like that. An I said, “tree” because I was trying to speak Jamaican too.
Then she sat me and my two potnas Franklin and Teddy. We got drinks, I got a Mai-Tai because I’m classy. Franklin and Teddy got a Bob Marley because you know they’re weird. But, after we got our drinks. Our food order was taken, do you know that these sweet devils had ox tails, curry goat and jerk chicken on the menu!? The waiter said, “Aye mon, you can’a get all tree of em!” I said, “Well got damn it, gimme all tree em and add some rice and peas to that sh*t too!”
My taste buds trembled with excitement because I know that the food was gonna be good because the cook was sweating and their chefs jacket was too tight plus, the mofo chef hat was tilted!”
Part 3 of Day one coming soon.
😄 @ the reason you know the food would be good 👏🏾 love the commentary